OMG!

Ugh! Don't hate me 'cause I'm a nerd!

38 days till New Moon

(tha movie) arrives to DDK!!

Mmmmmmh... Edward... I love you. Even though you kinda need a nosejob heh<3

A bunch of yesterdays…

Sorry for not uploading for a week or so, but I’m currently in a state of utterly suffering!! Heh, I’m sick with the flu, and HATE it! The only good thing about it; is I can’t eat anything but soup because of the pain. So I’m loosing weight rapidly (goanna gain it when I’m fit again, so I’m not excided).



My boyfriend is going to China for a month on Monday. Business. I miss him already. And I’m scared. He makes me feel safe and like everything is goanna be okay, and now he’s leaving. I want to cry and cling on to his leg, like a child, so he can’t leave. The way I always did when my dad was about to go on a longer business trip… I know it’s childish to get so upset over one small month, but I… I just can’t function without him. Hm. At least I loose weight when I’m miserable so that’s somewhat a plus.





God. I feel like crap. I haven’t eaten anything in tree days (soup, but that’s just hot water with veggies and salt) and I have no appetite at all! I’m bored!!

What do you guys do when you’r sick?

Love Cille <3

(?)

I have kept my "purging" to a minimum this weekend... I feel... Angry and proud at the same time? Angry because my ED is angry, I guess. And proud because that’s a step forward in my path to recovery...

All these emotions are making me crazy! They are pulling me in two different directions. My ED is almost ripping my arm off! Everything I put in my mouth is criticized and disapproved, and in the end often purged. Sigh. She’s too strong sometimes (by she I mean my ED) so I just give up and let her “do her thing”.
The other me (the non-ED part) is applauding every time I eat something we both can live with –like a celery stick, ‘cause then I don’t have to fight that much to keep it down.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense to you guys.

But it’s driving me insane and the only thing that helps is talking to my psychologist -and of cause posting here on the blog. It’s helping me blow off all the steam!

So thanks guys!! I love you all!

XOXO

Cille

For the love of Prada!!

Ate today:








Bread bingde; with two pices of cheese... (a zillion calories)





300g of light cottach cheese 900 calories?





100g of dinner (which is good -beef and salad, and I had like "nothing"!)





All in all, a normal diet I guess... For a normal freaking person...





I feel like this:

Even though I look like this:

(Bad pic, just snapped it for you guys...)

XOXO

Cille

Fire starter!

X-RAY FIRE!! My new fav' drink! I love it! No fat (unlike beer) and filled with coffeeine so the alcohol/sugar burns right off again :D

One bottle contains like 60 calories! Still alot, but not if you compare to a beer :s

Anyway, the taste is a little too sweet but otherwise I like it! And you get sooo drunk! 5,4%...

I guess the only downside; is that everyone point out that its lame. Fuck 'em, I'm goanna get skinny, an' they can't stop me! Heh. Sorry for the wannabe-slang guys, but I am havin' the crueles hangovers... Head, lungs & stomache!! It's all crap.

I smoked about 20 ciggiz' yesterday at a party, and now I can't breath. Ugh! And everything smells!! EW! But at least I didn't eat anything stupid in my haze. I kept it clean. No drugs or food, so I'm kinda pleased with myself.

Aaaah... My head... An' the darn vodka is burning my guts...

So, I ate (and drank) about 1200cals yersterday, which I find pretty good, considered how drunk I got. Jesus. But I should just quit drinking. Its bad for me, filled with bad calories, and Im bound to eat shit the entire next day... And Im too sick to work out. God. I hate myself. Im stupid and Im never goanna drink again... At leat not until next weekend ;)

But It was an okay evening and I puked 80% up what I drank, so, no real harm done I guess...

Love you all!!

Cille

(spelling correctly in this condition is not recomended, so I'll skip it -heh)

♥ SSPO Challenge ♥

Well, found my perfect motivation!!

The SSPO Challenge from Stella!!

(http://stellastarver.blogspot.com/2009/10/super-skinny-pants-october-challenge.html)

So the ruels are:

(Oct. 2 - Nov. 1)

1. Lose a minimum of 5 pounds.
2. Drink at least 50 oz. of water a day.
3. No soda unless it's DIET.
4. Absolutely NO Halloween candy.
5. No ice cream or cake.
6. No second helpings at meals.
7. Only fruits and veggies for snacks between lunch and dinner.
8. No more than 1600 calories a day.
9. No eating past 8 pm.

Doesn't that sound doable? I hope so ;)

Wish me luck! <3>

Love Cille

Money, money. . .

So yesterday was the first. That means I get 4800kr on my account from the Study Fund Of DK. That’s like 500 dollars I guess. After all my rent is paid I have like 400 dollars left for “fun” and food. Yesterday I spend 500kr (60/70 bucks?) on diet pills! I bought tree kinds of diet supplements. Not really diet pills ‘cause in DK we have a law; that you can’t buy “diet” pills unless your BMI is over 25/28. That’s CRAP!

And I hate to order from the internet, you never know what you are goanna get! And if it works! So, I bought supplements… Lots… One for muscle binding, one for metabolism, and one for fat reducing/vitamins. I know it’s not magic pills, and they alone won’t help me that much.

So I’m picking up ma pace! Exercise 4 times a week, minimum 30 minutes per. Workout.

Diet = max. 600Cals a day. I’m going on the protein-shake diet. That’s two to tree protein shakes (NUPO), and one high protein meal per day. I can make that work.

Today I’m having salmon with celery salad, and tree strawberry shakes! Kinda excited!
What could be the downside?? Well, I’ll tell yer. Thomas. He is very much against my weight loss, and I understand why. I’m bulimic and obsessed with dieting, but I just think if I could loose just a little more weight I would be extremely happy!! Tone that stomach and shape up those legs, and I would be the happiest girl in the freaking world!! He sais that; when I loose all that weight I want, I’m only goanna want to loose more… Maybe that true, but what wrong with looking good?

I know, I know… You are eating disordered and you can’t think straight. But… I jut want to loose 20 more lbs… So anyhow, I have to “hide” my obsessing from Thomas, so he won’t try to stop me. That pretty hard when we live together, but I have a plan! I’ll eat that high protein meal with him at dinner time ;)

God, I’m so sneaky… ED has made me sneaky. And poor. And crazy!

Love you all!

And thanks for following my absurd-ness <3