German and pizza

Wow, so many loyal readers, so little in my life to write about.

I'm in school right now -in German class- hungry for food and drained for brain cells.
I feel sooo tired and like all the life is sucked out of me today.
That's properly a reaction to poor diet and slim breakfast…

I only had 1/4 of an omelette and some fruit with yoghurt this morning...
I just couldn't get anything else down –It all seemed so impossible to eat! Do I cook something? But I’m too hungry to cook! Do I have some bread? But I don’t feel like it?? So confusing when you don’t “sense” hunger the same way as normal people!

But one thing I always seem to have room for is eggs! I have this insanely weird crave for eggs at the moment. I eat them ALL THE FREAKING TIME! Boiled, scrambled, sunny side up, omelette, baked egg toast (SO good!!) and egg muffins. No wonder I put on weight so fast!

I was told to put on at least 10lbs by my dieatist when I was 120lbs -so I'm really struggling with that. I am at a good 140lbs now... Yes I gained some and yes it was impossible!! Not to gain weight, but to be okay with gaining. I’m still very emotional about my weigh, but I don’t break down and cry when I see one more pound on the scale.
It’s goanna be a long road to recovery, and it already feels like a fucking dessert hike, but I’m sure I will reach goal at some point!!

Tonight I’m making my gorgeous homemade pizza –it is to die for!! If you guys would like, I can post the pizza recipe (together with some other low cal/no cal meals). It’s so simple even I can make it to perfection. :)
I really look forward to a comfy night in. Just relaxing on the sofa and eating pizza with a clean conscience. Awesome possum!!

Jup, so I’ll go do that and you guys have a good one!!



Love Cille

Tell me...

Wow, I don't know where to begin.
I'm doing "good" in therapy, but I don't know how long it will last. I eat, sleep, work out and sleep some more. My life is a blur.

I lost 3 pounds since last week -which I feel great about! I'm now at 130lbs (171cm tall). That's fine. I'm okay, 'Cause I can see I'm going in the right direction. I want to accept my body and move on with my life. No more ED -10 years is enough!! I just need to shed the last pounds and control my purging and then I think I'm goanna be just fine.

Eating the right thing is hard. My dietitian says I need to eat more fat to make my brain and mussels function properly, but I have NO intention to listen to that fat cow. If she’s overweight then how is she goanna provide diet advice for me?
She also says I have to eat more carbs and protein since I work out every day. I agree. If I want to build up my mussels I NEED protein.
I still binge, but not as much and as violently as before. I have about one binge per. week, and it isn't as big amounts. Maybe 1000-2000cal. The purging is also improving. I purge 2-4 times a day -not that bad comparing to 20-22times a day.
I work out every day for about an hour and a half. I run 3km and row 1 and then I do weights + crunches + strength. Some times I throw in a little cross trainer or stepping just to get real sweaty. Then I stretch for 15min and then I'm done.
So that's what I spend my time doing. Sleep, eat, work out and sleep some more. And of course I am in group therapy at The Milestone (ED treatment center). Yawn. I just finished my routine so I think I deserve a nap.

Have a wonderful Wednesday girls.


Love Cille

My dream

I whished I was rich and thin, but I also wished I could have my perfect home. I hope I get it before I kick the bucket...

It should look something like this:

Beautiful, girly but messy if you get it :)

Love