torsdag den 9. december 2010


It's that time a year again, and we all know what this means.

Fatty artery clotting food unmistakeably involving; creamy thick sauce, dry sponge cake, mountains of powder sugar, veggies fried up in syrupy syrup and of cause the cold weather. Brr.

Lucky I have been raised to hate Christmas food and everything about this deadly tradition that is "The Feast". And for that I can't help but to love my mom even more! It's not like she slapped my fingers as I would take a second slice of the glazed pork -she just doesn't like the Danish Christmas food, and as a five year old I would mimic her. I still do in many ways.
Ergo, I'm never that worried about having to sit at a table for hours on end with fat on my plate. What really worries me is the chocolate, cake, nougat, rice pudding, cherry sauce, honey roasted nuts, AND alcohol! I have a soft spot for all those things and Christmas is the time where I have to say no three time as much.

So far it's December the 9th and I haven't gained any weight. I want to keep it that way, and I want to loose weight in January where I'm starting school again.

I can't help but to feel that the constant "no"ing is somehow empowering. I like not eating. Not so much the hunger, but the "I don't feel hungry, so I don't eat" feel. I don't have to think so hard about the consistences of what I eat if I don't eat! Eureka!
Of course I put something in my mouth sometimes, like this morning, a banana. And sometimes I eat something the old me would have purged, like yesterday, rice pudding and (heavenly) cheese cubes with figs.
Admitted, I was thinking about purging it, but the whole sticking my fingers down my throat seems a little... Overrated. I don't... Feel the need to do that so much any more. Of course when Thomas had taken a surprise video of me reading and I saw how unbelievably fat I looked, I was annoyed that I didn't purge those treacherous cheese cubes. But as I turned over and laid in the nudge of Thompson's arm I forgot all about the purging and more about how I could justify my action. I hadn't had more that two pieces of toast, a latte and a small portion of salmon salad the entire day. Justified.
I still feel guilty that I can't seem to wheel myself in the times of family
cosiness, but... I guess I'm human to the bone when it comes to watching a film with my mom, stepdad and little sister (she's two = extremely cute).

Love Cille
Merry Christmas (even though it's a horrid food season)

1 kommentar:

  1. Constant "no"ing IS empowering.

    The more you say it, the easier it is to say until you like and need to say it.

    You're doing really well, darling.

    I'm proud of your mia turn around.