Rather dead than fat!

I have been avoiding to post anything meaningful this weekend ‘cause it haven’t had that must meaning. I miss Thomsen like hell! I miss having someone to spoon doing the night and someone to kiss in the morning. We always kiss each other good morning, goodnight and good day, sigh, every single day. It doesn’t matter if we had a fight, or something like that, the tradition between us has never been broken for over two years. It sounds kind of needy and obsessive but I really enjoy having it ‘cause it gives me a feel of safety. Like I’m not that ugly, fat or smelly even though we just woke up together and I forgot to brush my teeth last nigh.

Well enough about le’ boyfriend, I’m sure you guys don’t care about him ;)
So on to the vital matter of this post!! Da da da daaaah!! You properly figured it out, it’s diet time!! I have come to my senses and I am going on a diet! I have up to tree months to pull my shit together and loose all the weight I can until I have to go into therapy on the Milestone. Because on the Milestone diets are band!! NOOOO!! How will I ever survive..? Ah! Everything in good time! So from tomorrow and the next couple of months I will be on a diet!

I need a diet I can live with… And I need Thomas and my mom to stay in the dark… So, ABC is out of the question! Same with the lemonade… Raw foods is also a no-no… Hmm… How about I just make my own? I mean, I know A LOT about food and nutrition and I can just take bits and pieces from magazines and the internet? Right?

So… First of all I will consume (bear with me) minimum 200 calories and maximum 1000 calories per day AND I will post my daily food-plan on this blog. In case any of you wants to join... And to control myself.
I will eat every 3. hour to keep my metabolism going.
I will minimum drink 1L of water per day –and yes I know it’s nothing, but I am aiming low to begin with.
I will go to the gym ATLEAST 1 time per week!!
I will make 50 sit-ups every morning and every evening – yeah yeah it’s like a drop in the ocean but still something!!
I will make a weigh in every Friday….. I don’t know about that..? Would you like that?

And last but not least – I will start off my diet tomorrow with a lemon-water-fast-day (only one day 'cause otherwise I break and that's not a pretty sight) –no excise (makes me really dizzy).

Yep. Sound alright to you guys? Tell me if it’s a bad idea!

Hehe I’m so so existed!


Love

My dream

I whished I was rich and thin, but I also wished I could have my perfect home. I hope I get it before I kick the bucket...

It should look something like this:

Beautiful, girly but messy if you get it :)

Love

Late night...

I needed a laugh <3

Luvlee cupcake

I have had some rough couple of nights. I can’t sleep until it’s like 5 in the morning and I can’t sleep doing daytime. So lately I haven’t slept at all actually. I think it’s because I’m hungry all the time. It’s a strange kind of hunger though. I can’t really “feel” it, but I sense it’s there –you know?

Oh and something else, my mom saw my blog… The stupid laptop had saved the page and so she borrowed my computer and… Well, you get picture, right? So she was like oh never mind honey! I hardly saw anything and then she ignored it the entire day?! I guess I’m not that surprised. She completely denies that I’m going into treatment. And I must say it doesn’t bother my at all. Maybe a tad… Not that I want to be “saved” or get lots of attention, I would just wish she’d care.

I know for a fact that she’ll never look at my blog again, so I don’t need to change anything I guess. I am a little concerned about what she read… I mean… All that about suicide, purging and restricting? Sigh… But I guess if she has a problem she’ll confront me.

I did BAD on my restricting to day. I ate like a pig. I didn’t even flinch when my step-dad asked me if I wanted another piece of cake –I just grabbed it and ate it! Just like that?!?! I need to think! I need a brain! I need to train tomorrow –hard and long till I’ll have a heart attack! But first of all… Right now, I need a drink.


Happy Saturday ya’ all <3

Friday - sober

Thinspo 'cause I have nothing else to do...

I'm bored and sober

Love

Cille

A pretty nice feeling

Good day. Started like crap but is ending well. Skipped school. Slept. Talked to Thomsen...

And ate:

2 piceses of wholegrain dark (always) bread with salmon -no butter

3 cups of green tea

1 latte (at a café and I didn't order ANYTHING else.)

4 nuts -one each second hour to get my motabolisem going

water water water

My only slip; 4 cookies, but I got rid of it quickly after.

So all in all thats okay I guess... No model diet but I'll suvive.

Dinners comming up. Dread? Nah... I feel pretty okay.

Love Cille

The oddest thing

I know that starving doesn't work for a girl like me. I know that if I starve myself I will binge and my metabolism will slow and do nothing for me. The head doctor of The Miliestone (recovery center) said so... But I can't help thinking... They must be lying to me? They are just bad people who wants me to gain?


And to be hungry makes me FEEL like I'm loosing weight. I feel good, I mean not physically, but like I accomplished something by feeling the pain.

Love
Cille