Last year I whent to Turkey with 7 of my girlfriends. We booked a cheap vacation and decided that this trip was goanna be the best ever and that we were goanna have the time of our lives!
I was a little nervous about having to shear a room with 2 others because of my eating habits, but that part wasn't really a serious issue. All in all it was an amazing vacation.
The bomb first hit me for real when we came home and the pictures were put on Facebook! I saw lard, fat and disgusting breasts all over the photos of me! I was wearing a bikini and having fun in the pool and I looked HUGE! Most of the other girls were skinny and hot on the photos, but me? Well I was just one big blob! EW!
I will NOT let that happen again! This year I want to be comfortable in a bikini. I want to feel sexy and goddessy. I want to see BONES! Ribs, hips, collarbone, shoulders! EVERYTHING!
But of course that's a little too late. As I said, summer is right around the corner and nobody can get skinny that fast and MENTAIN it till and though summer! NOBODY, GIRLS!
Besides, since I'm still in treatment (recovering from an ED) I have signed a piece of paper that basically says: "I will not go on a diet as long as I am in treatment here".
So I train. I train and I train and it’s actually paying off. I can see how my muscles eat the fat and how my stomach is getting flatter by the day! It's really wonderful!
Unfortunately I can't really see a difference on the scale -'cause muscles weigh more that fat- and that fact annoys the hell out of me! But I guess I just have to deal with that.
I have a little thinspo here that helps me get though my training routine tree times a week.
And, yes I realise it's a little morally ambivalent...