SS vs SS

So i was watching the British reality show; supersize vs. superskinny this afternoon. And god, I just realized something horrible! When I look at the extreme bodies -of which the program revolve around, I couldn't help but to compare myself to them.



And of course I don't look exactly like one or the other, but I find that I look more like the supersized ( obese) person than the skinny. Like the way the proportions look and how the fat is placed on my body! Slightly less fat on me, but still... I CAN reflect myself in them! I feel like I'm looking at my worst nightmare!
"This is how you are going to look if you keep putting crap in your mouth!" Ugh.

It's really triggering for me, but I can't stop watching...
Maybe it's because I already feel bad about that carrot cake I ate this morning... Sigh.

All this ED stuff is spinning my head off! I wanna lose weight, but I want to recover from bulimia!
I know, I know, I said this before! But it's really what's bugging me at the moment!

I keep restricting -even though I KNOW it’s bad. I work out 4hours every week –at least. AND I’M STILL GAINING!!!? I’m beginning to get a little desperate… A little too obsessive… Any advice?


Love Cille