X-mas

It's that time a year again, and we all know what this means.

Fatty artery clotting food unmistakeably involving; creamy thick sauce, dry sponge cake, mountains of powder sugar, veggies fried up in syrupy syrup and of cause the cold weather. Brr.

Lucky I have been raised to hate Christmas food and everything about this deadly tradition that is "The Feast". And for that I can't help but to love my mom even more! It's not like she slapped my fingers as I would take a second slice of the glazed pork -she just doesn't like the Danish Christmas food, and as a five year old I would mimic her. I still do in many ways.
Ergo, I'm never that worried about having to sit at a table for hours on end with fat on my plate. What really worries me is the chocolate, cake, nougat, rice pudding, cherry sauce, honey roasted nuts, AND alcohol! I have a soft spot for all those things and Christmas is the time where I have to say no three time as much.

So far it's December the 9th and I haven't gained any weight. I want to keep it that way, and I want to loose weight in January where I'm starting school again.

I can't help but to feel that the constant "no"ing is somehow empowering. I like not eating. Not so much the hunger, but the "I don't feel hungry, so I don't eat" feel. I don't have to think so hard about the consistences of what I eat if I don't eat! Eureka!
Of course I put something in my mouth sometimes, like this morning, a banana. And sometimes I eat something the old me would have purged, like yesterday, rice pudding and (heavenly) cheese cubes with figs.
Admitted, I was thinking about purging it, but the whole sticking my fingers down my throat seems a little... Overrated. I don't... Feel the need to do that so much any more. Of course when Thomas had taken a surprise video of me reading and I saw how unbelievably fat I looked, I was annoyed that I didn't purge those treacherous cheese cubes. But as I turned over and laid in the nudge of Thompson's arm I forgot all about the purging and more about how I could justify my action. I hadn't had more that two pieces of toast, a latte and a small portion of salmon salad the entire day. Justified.
I still feel guilty that I can't seem to wheel myself in the times of family cosiness, but... I guess I'm human to the bone when it comes to watching a film with my mom, stepdad and little sister (she's two = extremely cute).




Love Cille
Merry Christmas (even though it's a horrid food season)