A question I ask myself over and over again

Why am I hungry?


When I don't wanna eat... I HATE EATING!! I freaking fucking hate it! I know that as humans we have to have something in the system, but why do I then choose to munch on crackers instead of apples? Why do I deliberately choose to eat the wrong thing?

I think I'm a food masochist...


Quick words about my day:
I woke up to the annoying sound of my boyfriend opening the blinds and the sunlight piercing my eyes! Very nice indeed yes.
And then I made breakfast. Eggs and bacon and one wholegrain bun -WITH NUTELLA (see what I mean by masochist?). I knew I couldn't purge 'cause Thomas was in the living room so I just felt how the food I just had consumed started to burn and decompose in my insides... Wow I feel so so so disgusted by myself even typing this...
Then my period kicked in! Ouch! I think my period pains can be measured to be a 7 out of 10 on the pain scale.
Great, puffy in pain and of course hungry I spend my day in front of my computer. Forcing to make time pass by watching Gossip Girl and Grey's Anatomy on Casttv.com...

Oh my god, to think you guys are actually interested in my boring boring life heh ;)

That was my day, I haven't been eating since morning but GOD HOW I WANT TO!! (I have the sickest crave for pasta/pesto right now)
My evening will go by with roasted pumpkin seeds, ice cold water, red cramps and my computer...
It's goanna be a looong night.
Thomas is at this fancy party -drinking his brains out- and I am unable to sleep alone (yes I am such a child). Sniff..
Poor me eh?


Here are some of my most valued pictures of people I imagine have a much simpler life <3







Love
Cille

Yoga and nothing

God this day SUCKS in Denmark. The whether is super grey -I think it might rain soon, and I have like a zillion tings to do today!!! Okay it's actually only four highlights...
Yoga class, school, fixing my contact lenses and cleaning the apartment... All sucky things.

A.N.D. I. A.M. F.A.T. T.O.D.A.Y.
So no food... Weeh...

Anyways, weighed in at 71.4kg this morning. FAT


Well talk to yer' later girls


Love
Cille

I'm not dead... I just fainted

As the title suggests.


I have been away, and now I'm back.

I am still fat, unhappy with my life and in recovery (read: at the moment only physical)...

It sucks so hard that I lost everything I worked for! My figure, my "self reflected prestige" and my determination to loose the weight I've always wanted, on the road to a life without an ED.

I miss it... I miss my bulimia... Does that sound far out or what? I really miss the "something" I could cling on to whenever things turned on me (and boy do they at the moment) instead of actually dealing with the feelings and all that shit!
I don't need feelings like anger/depression/sadness/loneliness/despair/hopelessness or abandons in my life! Just give me 20 minutes in the ladies-room and all of those feelings will be washed away -literally down the drain! Until next time.

Well enough about my bitching! I fell over this amazing video at Boohyouwhore.com (heh, I needed something to cheer me up)
It's gorgous... That girl is my new icon in this godforsaken world...








Buckets full of love to you my dear ones
Cille

The naughty list

This is the lists of which I try to keep close in my everyday, and if I'm on a diet I just reorganise some goodie-stuff to the naughty list (ex. like jam, nuts, honey).

Of course both lists depends on my mood and situation, and this is just on top of my head.

Naughty list:

FASTFOOD!!

Chocolate

Ice cream

Candy

Cream

Pure sugar

Cake

Pastry

Cereal

Rice

Pasta

White bread

Butter

"Salt"

Fatty sliced cheese/meat (everything with over 200kcal per 100g)

Fatty meat (like pork/bacon)

Alcohol

Ketchup

Mayo

dressing

Sauce

Oil

Regular soda

Chocolate milk

Fat milk

Fat yoghurt

Goodie list:

Water/tea

Coffee

Skim milk

Diet soda

Veggies

Fruit

Nuts

Whole grain bread

Yoghurt (under 3,5% fat)

Honey

Jam

Pesto (as butter)

Lean sliced cheese/meat

Fish

Seafood

Turkey/chicken

Egg

Diet quick noddles

NUPO

Light margarine

vitamins/supplements

Love Cille