I love this picture

I think I'll die another day!

I woke an hour ago and felt like life is goanna turn out okay. Today.
No giant breakdown.
No real binging.

Maybe this post will make better sense if I tell about what a day from hell yesterday was.
I had the first of my final exams -English.
I went fine. I was fine... Until I wasn't.
I had just walked away from the test-room when suddenly the entire sky just came crashing down on me! I felt like I was cracking in half! I couldn't breathe or speak or stand existing any-more!!
Hysterically I grabbed my phone and got a hold of Thomas (boyfriend trough 3 years). He picked up after only two rings and asked how the test went.
The only problem was just that I seriously couldn't form a sentence! I was a mess! The only thing I really could say was something like: "I don't know... I feel. It bad? I... No."
He apparently understood my panic language and started to calm me down by telling me the simplest things: "breathe Cille. Walk to the bus. Come home and I will be home too."
In that moment I just felt so unbelievable thankful for such a wonderful man existed in my world.
I got home and Thomas fetched my from the station.
At that point I still couldn't compliment an entire sentence but Thomas just held my hand tight and assured me that I wouldn't fly away as long as I held on tight too.

Do not ask me what just happened there!
I guess it was some kind of panic attack? That school will be over soon and I have to manage life on my own? Like an actual adult!

I don't know... But today as I said it, life will be manageable.
Last night I had a Nightmare about my teeth falling out and I was on seriously dangerous drugs. That my mom was ashamed of me and all I loved just faded away before my eyes (including my teeth heh). That's where I realised...
It could be worse!


So have a good day everybody!!


Love Cille

A dream about god

I hate my boobs. No, really, I do.
I hate my hips.
I hate my broad shoulders.
I overall hate my large frame! I take too much space in space...
I want to be small. Little. Tiny.
Perhaps like a child?
No boobs, no hips, no signs of being an adult who has to take responsibility.

Today I feel asleep on the sofa after pilates. I had a dream about angels and demons, and god. Jup god -and I'm not really an religious person, but I had a dream about god. God was a woman. Beautiful and looked a bit like an singer from the 1930's. I dreamt that we fought the demons and won and as an reword for my hard work I was granted two wishes.
Guess what I wished for...
"I want to be thin and rich please!!" God shook her head and snapped her fingers... Poof! I was what I wanted, but I didn't feel any different!
Then I woke up.
Symbolic or what!?


Love
Cille

?

Let it snow...

Oh my god… Today is beautiful.

Last night it snowed like crazy and when I woke up this morning the entire city was clocked in a fluffy sheet of snow. I love snow. It’s so unbelievably gorgeous, cozy and pure. I love to curl up under a blanket with a cup of tea and watch the feathery snowflakes drop outside my window. Mmmh.

Love

A little something, something...

I just found some of these pictures yesterday and I decided to shear them with you guys.

Some are my personal storage of thinspo, others are just pretty and… fascinating.
I suppose.

Enjoy my sweeties.

love

Friday - sober

Thinspo 'cause I have nothing else to do...

I'm bored and sober

Love

Cille

Dear

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it."

~Swedish Proverb