fredag den 28. maj 2010
I woke an hour ago and felt like life is goanna turn out okay. Today.
No giant breakdown.
No real binging.
Maybe this post will make better sense if I tell about what a day from hell yesterday was.
I had the first of my final exams -English.
I went fine. I was fine... Until I wasn't.
I had just walked away from the test-room when suddenly the entire sky just came crashing down on me! I felt like I was cracking in half! I couldn't breathe or speak or stand existing any-more!!
Hysterically I grabbed my phone and got a hold of Thomas (boyfriend trough 3 years). He picked up after only two rings and asked how the test went.
The only problem was just that I seriously couldn't form a sentence! I was a mess! The only thing I really could say was something like: "I don't know... I feel. It bad? I... No."
He apparently understood my panic language and started to calm me down by telling me the simplest things: "breathe Cille. Walk to the bus. Come home and I will be home too."
In that moment I just felt so unbelievable thankful for such a wonderful man existed in my world.
I got home and Thomas fetched my from the station.
At that point I still couldn't compliment an entire sentence but Thomas just held my hand tight and assured me that I wouldn't fly away as long as I held on tight too.
Do not ask me what just happened there!
I guess it was some kind of panic attack? That school will be over soon and I have to manage life on my own? Like an actual adult!
I don't know... But today as I said it, life will be manageable.
Last night I had a Nightmare about my teeth falling out and I was on seriously dangerous drugs. That my mom was ashamed of me and all I loved just faded away before my eyes (including my teeth heh). That's where I realised...
It could be worse!
So have a good day everybody!!