fredag den 28. maj 2010

I think I'll die another day!

I woke an hour ago and felt like life is goanna turn out okay. Today.
No giant breakdown.
No real binging.

Maybe this post will make better sense if I tell about what a day from hell yesterday was.
I had the first of my final exams -English.
I went fine. I was fine... Until I wasn't.
I had just walked away from the test-room when suddenly the entire sky just came crashing down on me! I felt like I was cracking in half! I couldn't breathe or speak or stand existing any-more!!
Hysterically I grabbed my phone and got a hold of Thomas (boyfriend trough 3 years). He picked up after only two rings and asked how the test went.
The only problem was just that I seriously couldn't form a sentence! I was a mess! The only thing I really could say was something like: "I don't know... I feel. It bad? I... No."
He apparently understood my panic language and started to calm me down by telling me the simplest things: "breathe Cille. Walk to the bus. Come home and I will be home too."
In that moment I just felt so unbelievable thankful for such a wonderful man existed in my world.
I got home and Thomas fetched my from the station.
At that point I still couldn't compliment an entire sentence but Thomas just held my hand tight and assured me that I wouldn't fly away as long as I held on tight too.

Do not ask me what just happened there!
I guess it was some kind of panic attack? That school will be over soon and I have to manage life on my own? Like an actual adult!

I don't know... But today as I said it, life will be manageable.
Last night I had a Nightmare about my teeth falling out and I was on seriously dangerous drugs. That my mom was ashamed of me and all I loved just faded away before my eyes (including my teeth heh). That's where I realised...
It could be worse!

So have a good day everybody!!

Love Cille

4 kommentarer:

  1. i am sorry you had such a tough day.
    you are so lucky to have such a wonderful person to support you and comfort you.
    you are so lovely
    ♥ idil

  2. I am so happy you are feeling better.
    And your bf sounds really sweet, you are so luck that you have him.
    I am sure today will be good :)

  3. In times of crisis and need like that, its where you can see who you can truly count on, and im glad you have such an amazing guy in your life that you can depend on. :) heh Im jealous.
    Hope the exam went well, and there will be no more scary moments like that again.

  4. Life will be okay, we will all be okay.