torsdag den 14. januar 2010

I'll do it tomorrow...

Arg fuck! I HATE myself sometimes!

I’m so fucking pathetic! AND such a hypocrite! I wine all day long about my shape but I don’t work out!! I bitch about my disgusting body, yet I eat cookies and candy like a fucking addict! I want my control back! OH MY GOD! Where the fuck did it go!??!?! It must have slipped away in the shadows of the night ‘cause I sure as hell didn’t loose it on purpose! Shit shit shit! It’s those doctors at the recovery center! THEY STOLE IT!

I need my control back! I must have control!! I give a shit about The Milestone or recovery! I just want to be thin!

Oh good god, if you exist, give me THIS joy… Just give me one less thing to worry about! PLEASE! Make me in control, make me strong, make me SKINNY!!!!

Uh, what an outburst! I think it came from this YouTube video I just saw… About a girl who recovered from an ed; she was SO FAT! She was all like: “Now I enjoy food (No, really!), I love myself (but you’re repulsing?!) and I have a better life -yadayada. Right. A better life? Like a fat happy cow about to get slaughtered?

Sorry you guys, I’m so cruel when I get pissed off at myself… And when people who are insanely fat try to convince me to become fat (or fatter, that is) too. Make sense?



2 kommentarer:

  1. why haven't I discovered your blog sooner!?
    Love it... Im not really into thinspo pictures but the photos you have here are beautiful regardless x
    hope your feeling ok... Did you find the "control" you lost??

  2. hi. just to say i totally relate to your blog. i want to be skinny desperately and yet i dont work out much and i eat like a fucking pig. so if you want some motivation or just someone to talk to then im here =]
    hope youre okay.