mandag den 4. januar 2010

Another day, another challenge…

Today I was my first official day at the Milestone (ED treatment center ((Stolpegård on Danish))!
The morning was tough. I didn’t want to go and my subconscious kept sabotaging “me getting out of the door”. Suddenly I had to do this and finish that; and when I ran out of excuses I FINALLY pushed myself out the door.
I was late. I ran to the train. I ran to the bus. I ran down the ally to the center, and when I got there? I just stood outside, starring with terror at the frightening building, for ten minutes! I just couldn’t bring myself to go in there like it was any other building! Maybe ‘cause it wasn’t. For me THAT building is a symbol of “losing” control. That building is a token of gaining. And last but not least THAT building is fucking STUFFED with stick-thin girls! Ugh. It was hard but I overcame my fear (yet again I suppose) and stepped inside the reception (actually –it was mostly ‘cause it was snowing and I was freezing my butt off!!). Heh.

So I didn’t interrupt the group, which was really good, I would have felt awful! Like showing up late for class and everybody is ogling you and whispering to each other; but it wasn’t like that.
Everyone was just chatting and it turned out the therapist was late I guess. They introduced them selves and I got to learn a bit of there troubles.

It was strange at first, seeing that people talked so openly about there ED’s, but I slowly got the hang of it. The girls/women there were really sweet. I’m the youngest and newest in the group so they all took care of me.

The only two parts of the entire day, I HATED, was weighing and eating lunch together. The weighing made me really upset and I was about to cry in the middle of the session. But I fought the tears back. The lunch was not so great either. I mean the food was wonderful and I shoved it in ‘cause I was starving (hadn’t eaten for two days because I knew I was going on a scale)!!
But afterwards… I felt so depressed that everyone had just seen me eat like that. All those skinny girls, what do they think of me now?

If only I could turn back time.

Love Cille

3 kommentarer:

  1. I wish you the best of luck with all of it :) You're a really brave person, and you have a right to be free of this.

  2. you are so brave and courageous! i wihs you all the best and every strength in this world,don't stop now! you really want this and you will be happier afterwards =)

  3. Awww! You guys are so sweet to me!
    The comments I get from you, really means alot!

    I feel all "warm and fuzzy" inside when I read comments like that<3


    Love Cille