So I started seeing a shrink named Tina. She is so nice and really lovely to be around. She listens to all my crazy stories and I tell her about the way I see the world and food. It is really amazing how a conversation can be such a relief, like I am letting my insane secrets out, but not to the people I don’t want to know. I thought about posting some of those secrets out here, I mean, it’s not like I have anything to loose on my blog. I already seem a bit crazy.
I see myself as two persons. The first one is Cille. She’s a happy outgoing girl, who want's to eat cookies. And then there is Her. The ED. (Lets call her Edi, just to avoid any Confusion.) She is all the fear and pain in my life. It’s her who decide if I am goanna eat or not. I wake up every morning, brush my teeth, pee and get on the scale. The second I see the numbers forming on the scale I can feel both of my personalities cheering for a low number (for different reasons). And if the number is (considering the circumstances) low, the happy Cille gets the wheel most of the day. She eats almost like a normal person! But, if the number is slightly higher, Edi is captain of my eating habits.
She can be a real bitch, saying horrible things to me and give me fake promises about my future. She could say, “You are so fat and disgusting. You make me sick! If you get thin everybody is goanna love you. YOU COULD BE A MODEL!! Or rich!! All you have to do is… Get thin as a stick!” I hate her! I would wish her away if I could.
Or would I? She is my best friend and my worst enemy. She understands me; she listens to me and comforts me when I’m alone. She is mine, she’s me.
It sounds a bit out there. Trust me I know hehe, but she is really the only thing that can show me the way to 100lbs… So I am goanna keep her close to me. Just a bit longer...