Sun and grass

Good morning girls.

So thanks for your great advice on the last post, I would love if you had some more!
But both the raw food diet and the lemonade diet is really hard to maintain with Thomas in the house. He would immediately be on my case about how I'm having a setback in recovery (which he would be right about...) and force me back in group. And, and, and, I haven't quite built up the discipline to go on a liquid diet yet.

Yesterdays food was a mess:
10.30 = Yoghurt (100g)
12.00 = piece of bred w salmon
15.30 = Bun w light cheese
19.00 = Pasta (in cream sours)
20.00 = Cherries strawberries + 2 mini muffins
- No purge 'cause of Thomas

It's a bit sad looking at it now... Not thaaat much food but a lot of crappy calories... Damn.

Today I started with 200g of yoghurt (160cal + 2,6g fat) and a cigarette (+1L of water).
So started good!! Weeh! For once!!!
I'm going to my mom's later and I guess we're going shopping. Looking forward to it!

Bring on the DIET TIPS girls!!! I adore them all!




Love Cille

Good morning people


I have a ton of things to do today and no idea how I'm goanna do them all!
But First and for most, I would like to welcome all the new followers who has joined the page the past months! Hello! And apologize for my crappy mood (which properly has reflected in my posts) and the lack of posts in general! Sorry!

I have been joggling some thoughts on how I can lose all my floppy tummy/thigh fat in time of Roskilde Festival (tree weeks tops) without driving myself insane!
I have to eat and I have to have time for life. Those are my only criterias.
Does it make me sound like I'm not dedicated to loosing weight, or is it just me? I mean everybody is asking the question "how do I loose weight?" and the answer is pretty simple -don't eat... But I CAN'T not eat for tree weeks, it would make me loose my mind! And besides I would die of binging.

I'm planning to make a beautiful mix of diet, diet pills and exercise. (Please dear god I can keep this from Thomas until I'm done!!)

Diet: ?
Pills: ? (Lipo Femme, Anoretix -yes it's really called that, Phentermine, Therma power, Xenical, Acomplia and/or Reductil) These are just some of the pills I have been researching.
Supplements: Bio C.L.A. + T, Weighlevel
Exercise: 4x7 days


My question to you guys is now:
What diet have worked best for you?
And/or have you experience with diet pill and which was the best?
Do you know any of the pills I have listed? DO they work?





Lots of love
Cille

...

It is Saturday today.

I feel like shit.
My apartment look like a war zone. I got my period (even though it isn't time yet). My legs are unbelievably fat. I have nothing to wear. I smell like puke. My hair is rotten and keeps falling out! Yesterday I failed my exam. I gained 2kg. I ate cake. I considered suicide two days ago.
I DISGUST MYSELF. My mum and Thomas keeps asking if I took my pills. My head hurts.


And right now I'm hungry and have no fucking idea what to eat -cause' I'm fat.


Today SUCKS!!! I FUCKING HATE TODAY!
I feel like banging my head against the wall till my skull cracks open so all the thoughts can get out!



Knows those days?









All the love I have
Cille

The smell of sunshine

I want some sun!!




Love Cille

Dark side

Here the other night the (normally quiet) poet in me felt like taking over for a while, so I filled page after page about how it fells to be in my shoes and how I would love to kick those clogs off!

I'll admit the poems themselves doesn't make that much sense if you don't live in my head, but then who else is goanna read them except me?
I'm defently NOT posting them here -it would be to cruel to expose you guys to THAT. Heh. But it felt really wonderful to just get it down on paper -I recommend it.

So... Today I didn't weigh myself but I "felt" light this morning so I didn't want destroy that feel-good-feeling with a number. Not today.

Thomas is in Japan this week, lucky bastard -although it's work I still envy him. He promised to bring some healthy dried fish back to me, which sounds really nasty, but I LOVE strange food -especially fish, and some other odd stuff! Japan is sooo weird! I LOVE IT! Cosplay, umbrella hats, raw seafood BRING IT ON! Hmph... Lucky him.

In the meanwhile I'm studying (read: should be studying) for my oral German exam. It's on Friday and I'm am nowhere ready for facing such a challenge at this point. I feel so... Empty in life right now. A little suicidal, but aren't we all at some point in life, and a little depressed. But I'll be fine. I just don't know how the hell I'm goanna get though those shitty exams!! Damn.
Any suggestions?





Lots of love Cille

I love this picture

It's a wild world

My week has been goodish. The finals really suck though. I feel like it went okay with the stuff I had to put down on paper but I have no clue how well it actually went...

The stress is completely tearing me apart. All the tests and talk about the future is really spinning my head. Can't people just live in the now??
I had a minor "breakdown" that lasted two-tree days last week. I think I need to go to the doctor and get his opinion on the doses of anti depressives I'm taking at the moment. I blame the BD on them. That's a little easier then analysing myself.

The food has been good. I have been controlling but not totally obsessive, which was my ultimate goal! Unfortunately I don't think it's goanna last - I can actually already feel myself getting more and more aware of the difficulty that comes with thinking about food. And dreaming about it.
I just tend to not eat because it's too complicated and too hard with all that's going on at the moment! I have to stay in control all the time and that's exhausting -which I'm pretty sure you all recognize.
Everything is an Everest I have to climb. Even taking a thorough bath and doing something to my hair is too much (don't worry I finally got myself to take a bath after a week -yes ew)! Even putting on clothes! I must really look like a hobo at the moment -it's a surprise Thomas haven't left me yet... I'm smelly, fat, ugly and really just a humongous wet blanket.

I weighed in at 69.3kg today. Got a "fake bake" (hate the sun - the only colour it adds to me, is red) and stayed in front of the computer all day. Boooring. My mum has more fun than me!
It was beautiful weather today! Not a cloud in sight, and that rare in Denmark. Thomas went sailing, my mum and Jesper and my baby sis went to Christiania, my dad and his gang went to the park, and me? I stayed at home nursing my misery and watching Tomb Raider...

At least my mood has begun to improve. I don't cry all the freaking time. I don't space out while thinking about how or if I should take my own life and last but not least I can now laugh when my boyfriend tickles my instead of dissolve in angry tears.... Yay me...

I'm really worried about my summer. The endless expectations of party, festival and happy days is getting on my nerves. I can't really explain why I feel so annoyed that everyone just want to hang out with me, but I think it's the disorder that's trying to get me all for itself, and I admit, it is hard to fight against it.
The question weather I should go on the Roskilde Festival with all my fellow graduations is seriously twisting my arm. I know if I don't go I'll properly regret it, but if I go I'm trapped with a bunch of happy people that don't know me to the core (not to mention beer and junkfood) -and that scares the hell out of me... I guess I just have to make a pro and con list.






Love Cille