I had a really nice weekend. Me and some friends went to this awsome party downtown and it was almost a perfect night. The thing that spoiled the evning was my drinking! I drank so much!! At the end I could hardly stand, and I made a big jiggely fool outta myself! Arg...
I got a massage (once agian) from The Milestone (ED center), and I am goanna start after Christmas... I know it's for my own good and yada yada yada, but I'm really scared. All those new people and rules. I don't know if I'm goanna make it. And I feel this insane pressure that every one in my family expect, no DEMAND me to be all whole and healed when I'm done with the treatment...
What if I can't get better? What if I'm doomed to be eating disordered for the rest of my life?? Whould everybody then just give up on me?
I dont know...
And do I really want to be all whole and healed? I mean... If I aren't Cille with the ED, then who the fuck am I? What if my ED definds who I am? How am I then goanna survive without it?
I'm not sure I know HOW to live without my ED...
All these different emotions are washing over me right now, and I feel like I'm goanna drown -you know?
Love
I understand that you are s insecure and bit overwhlemed but don't be a chicken and see if they can help you and maybe you will experience a whole new side of you-the healthy Cille and see the Milestone as the best thing you ever did in you ED life :)
SvarSlet