I have had some rough couple of nights. I can’t sleep until it’s like 5 in the morning and I can’t sleep doing daytime. So lately I haven’t slept at all actually. I think it’s because I’m hungry all the time. It’s a strange kind of hunger though. I can’t really “feel” it, but I sense it’s there –you know?
Oh and something else, my mom saw my blog… The stupid laptop had saved the page and so she borrowed my computer and… Well, you get picture, right? So she was like oh never mind honey! I hardly saw anything and then she ignored it the entire day?! I guess I’m not that surprised. She completely denies that I’m going into treatment. And I must say it doesn’t bother my at all. Maybe a tad… Not that I want to be “saved” or get lots of attention, I would just wish she’d care.
I know for a fact that she’ll never look at my blog again, so I don’t need to change anything I guess. I am a little concerned about what she read… I mean… All that about suicide, purging and restricting? Sigh… But I guess if she has a problem she’ll confront me.
I did BAD on my restricting to day. I ate like a pig. I didn’t even flinch when my step-dad asked me if I wanted another piece of cake –I just grabbed it and ate it! Just like that?!?! I need to think! I need a brain! I need to train tomorrow –hard and long till I’ll have a heart attack! But first of all… Right now, I need a drink.
Happy Saturday ya’ all <3
hey wow, my worst fear is someone in RL finding my journal. Maybe your mom just needs some time?
SvarSletWhen I was in middle school I had a journal that I used to keep in touch with my friends as we went to different highschools. One day I came home to my mom *crying* at the computer screen, upset over what I had written about her.
In hindsight what I wrote wasn't that bad, the generic my parents control my life, my mom never left me do anything, but I think it was a combo of realizing her daughter felt that way (I'm really nonconfrontational and wouldn't ever say that)and seeing those feelins posted on the internet.
After she got over the shock, we talked and our relationship got a bit better.
Thanks. That comment made me feel better sweetie :)
SvarSletLove