onsdag den 23. september 2009

Behinde closed doors. . .

Well, I am going to tell you how I do things. And NOT because I want to be some kind of thinspo to you guys or anything in that way -but simply because I (personally) "like" to read about how other bulimics do it. It's some kind of proff that I am not going completly mental and that Im not alone with this problem.

My rotine starts with eating. I ate dinner today, rost beef with potatos and sauce.. A BIG nono in my book (at least if I decided that I wasn't going to eat that day). After I had INHAILED my food I tried really hard to keep it down, for the sake of my family, but I failed. Horrorbly. I went to the bathroom. Locked the door. Turned the water on in the shower. Took off my dress so I wouldn't get it dirty and pulled my hair back. I stood leaned over the toilet and puked for about 15minuts or so, and gosh... That hurt! I waited WAY to long with getting rid of it all, so the acid burned all the way. AW! Fucking shit...

I was done, unnoticed and I felt my heart racing in my chest. Nicest feeling all day...

I didn't get it all, but at least 2/3 I suppose.

Gez, I have no idea how to stop! I physically felt sick when I was done eating!! I just couldn't stand the thought of keeping it in.

Sorry guys, I hope you NEVER have to feel like this, and if you already do... Get help. God, I am such a hipocrite (spelled?)!

Love Cille

P.s. spelling control is down, sorry ;)
P.p.s. Thanks for all your comment!! I adore when you guys post a little something for me to read :) :)
You make my day :)

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