mandag den 5. oktober 2009

(?)


I have kept my "purging" to a minimum this weekend... I feel... Angry and proud at the same time? Angry because my ED is angry, I guess. And proud because that’s a step forward in my path to recovery...

All these emotions are making me crazy! They are pulling me in two different directions. My ED is almost ripping my arm off! Everything I put in my mouth is criticized and disapproved, and in the end often purged. Sigh. She’s too strong sometimes (by she I mean my ED) so I just give up and let her “do her thing”.
The other me (the non-ED part) is applauding every time I eat something we both can live with –like a celery stick, ‘cause then I don’t have to fight that much to keep it down.


I don’t know if any of this makes sense to you guys.

But it’s driving me insane and the only thing that helps is talking to my psychologist -and of cause posting here on the blog. It’s helping me blow off all the steam!


So thanks guys!! I love you all!


XOXO

Cille
posted by Cille A. Pederson kl. 03.47
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2 kommentarer:

  1. Lily5. oktober 2009 kl. 08.09

    Thank you so much for your support. I just start following your blog and so far I like it. Your sincerity is really moving.
    I know how you feel. Sometimes I can hear a part of me saying how wrong this is in so many different ways. And then I would look at a picture for me and think that this is all worth it! For the first time in a long time I am in controle of myself and I'm happy.
    I just feel like I need this two parts of me to be complete... I don't know if that makes sense either.
    Keep strong.

    SvarSlet
  2. Plum Girl5. oktober 2009 kl. 20.32

    I TOTALLY understand.
    Mia is addicting, and terrible and annoying and appealing and wonderful and freeing all at the same time.
    I wish you luck!
    I hope the healthy takes over.

    SvarSlet

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