Yesterday I skipped the two last classes, I was so fucking depressed. I cried on my way to school and I couldn’t even stay to the end of the day.When I came home the clock was about 12.30 and my mom was sitting in the kitchen and eating fruit. She was a bit surprised to see me but when she asked what the matter was, I just broke down in tears. We talked a bit about my mood, and she asked what was bringing me down. I didn’t have the guts to reveal my troubles just yet, so I answered –“I have no idea…” That was really a stupid thing to say. She said that it could be “The Pill’s” fault and made me promise that I would go to the doctor and ask. Well, that doesn’t fit with my diet plans. If the doctor makes a total check, I will get the it-isn’t-a-smart-way-to-lose-weight-speech… Sigh. I hate those.
Anyway, me and my mom decided to take a walk and talk about stuff. We don’t do that as often (I just got a baby-sister) anymore.
But as we walked, my stomach growled loudly. “Honey, do you wanna grab something to eat? What about sushi, my treat!” I really wanted sushi but I was almost too hungry to eat. I knew that the second the plate would be in front of me I would just swallow everything, and… Well, sushi is too expensive to just swallow.
“Ehm. What about something a little faster mom?” She looked at me and smiled.
“What about MD? Hn? It is cheap and fast, and lets be bad, just for once?” Sigh.
I broke. I broke, and I ate everything on my plate. You must understand something befor I tell you what did next though -I don’t like to make myself sick, and I don’t do it twice a day or something crazy like that… But yesterday I purged. I was just so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t hold that shit in.
Afterwards me and my mom walked and shopped in about 3 hours and I am sure everything I ate (I had only eaten that Mac Donald’s meal, and nothing the rest og the day) is gone.
Gez, I feel so good that I just got rid of all that toxic crap I ate!
Today I have had a cup of green tea, one apple and half a pear so far. Oh and water! Hehe.
I am so proud of myself, I don’t even feel hungry, and by the way – I lost 2 pounds this morning ;)
It sure is a good day to be thin!
Hang in there. It happens sometimes. It's times like these that someone starts to lose the control they have and all hell breaks. It's hard when your emotions are running and you are with someone else. You have to eat.
SvarSletyou're lucky you can purge because I've tried for years and I have no gag reflex! I could shove my fist down my throat and nothing. So imagine when I eat I don't even have that option.